The Dead Body
by Lee the Ice Queen
Summary: What happens when Misato, Asuka and Shinji find a dead body in their lounge room! A friend will help you move, a good friend will help you move a body. Do the Eva pilots have any good friends? COMPLETE
1. The Body

Mwa HA HA HA HA !!! I'm back . . . And surprisingly not drunk??? Yeah yeah I know, it's bad for your liver.  
  
Hmmm.. *looks around evilly* ready for some new acts of weird out there randomness?  
  
*cricket chirps*  
  
YAY! *Waves hands above head crazily*  
  
Ps this. . ( ) Means actions k? Ok! Great you're all smart- individuals!  
  
Oh and I don't own neon genesis evangelion  
  
Oh and and and and .. Pen Pen is EVIL!  
  
  
  
It's a normal morning in the Katsuragi household. . It always starts off like this eh? The birds are singing, pen pen is in the bath, Misato is in her room with a terrible hangover and her door is covered with a whole lot of signs with colourful language saying . . in nice terms . . . stay out.  
  
Shinji is the first to wake up, as usual. He looks around the flat.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Auska and Misato come rushing out of their rooms. "Shinji what's wrong? Are you ok?" a concerned Misato asks when she sees Shinji curled up in the fetal position on the floor, rocking slightly. Misato runs to him and tries to comfort him. //Hmmmm wonder what's up with him? // Auska thinks as she scans the room  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Auska faints. Misato gets a shock from Auska's yelling and looks up to find a dead body dumped on the couch.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
She faints. Pen pen hearing all the commotion comes into the lounge-dripping wet. He sees Shinji rocking slowly back and forth and Misato draped over Auska, both unconscious. Pen pen sweat drops. Then he notices the body. //oops maybe I shouldn't have left that there. . // He thinks guiltily and goes back to his bath.  
  
  
  
that's the prologue so what did you think?  
  
*crickets chip*  
  
I knew you liked it lol! R and R plz 


	2. The Story

HEY I'm back! Yeah I got another chapter for ya! I don't like it as much as my first one but yeah tell me what you think!  
  
To my wonder full reviewers THANKYOU!  
  
Kippenberger: Thanks for the review! Umm I didn't make Gendo die just yet. We'll hunt him down first! *Grins evilly* I don't like him either! You'll just have to wait and see if this is a misato/shinji now won't you! lol! Thanks again hope you like this chapter!  
  
Doggystyle: dunno if I have a cute ass . . I don't really check out my ass but I can assure you I am a chick and I have been called cute before (not bragging or anything!) yes and I know my name is a guys name but I am a girl!!! Thank for your review!  
  
Crash: weird yet good . . . right? Thanks for your review!  
  
Invincible-Titan: yes he is evil. Very, very, evil! Hope you like this chapter thanks for the review!  
  
Brax: thanks for your review! I thought the idea was interesting to. Umm you find out how in this chapter, although even I don't know how he got the guy on the couch, it's one of life's mysteries!  
  
Snow Tenshi: hey! Thanks for you review! Ummm you find out who it is today I hope it's not a let down. No Auska didn't murder anyone . . . yet! Hope you like this chapter! Master Roshi of NGE as in Master Roshi like DBZ?  
  
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Pen Pen waved his flippers around the water gently. //I hope they don't go ballistic//  
  
~*~* FLASHBACK *~*~  
  
Pen Pen stood in a dark alleyway a figure advanced upon him. "How dare you, you little bastard, astylar vista Pen Pen." The figure spat and pulled out a silver gun. Pen Pen rolled his eyes around wildly trying to find an escape from the alley but the walls were too high. Instead he jumped on the man. "Arrg! Arrgg! Get off me you crazy animal!" Pen Pen knocked the gun out of the man's hand; they fell to the floor with a thud. The man stood groggily only to find Pen Pen pointing his gun straight at him . . . well not really more tilted upwards because Pen Pen is a penguin, they are kinda small. "Oh Pen Pen dude, you don't want to do that . . . " the man quickly says shaking his hands in front of him.  
  
"Squak?" Translation: I don't, do I? I think I do.  
  
"No man you don't, I can make you into things you have never dreamed of before, lets put all this money stuff behind eh? Its not a major deal, I can create you into a living legend!" the man bargained. Pen Pen threw the gun up and down in his flipper a couple of times, playing with the idea of becoming a living legend. The man took the penguin's hesitation as a chance to get away, he turned and started to bolt down the alley, but Pen Pen was too quick for him.  
  
"Squark! Translation: I think not.  
  
Straight after the man turned Pen Pen shot him 3 times in the back, matrix style. The man screamed and fell.  
  
"Squark!" Translation: astylar vista baby.  
  
A cop car could be heard in the distance. //Now what! // Pen Pen thought quickly to himself. //Your going to have to come home with me.// he directed his thoughts at the unconscious body.  
  
Pen Pen rolled the man all the way to his apartment then dumped him on the couch. He hid the gun in the cookie jar.  
  
~*~* End Flashback *~*~  
  
Pen Pen got out of the tub and went back into the lounge room. He wished he had killed someone good. This guy wasn't worth killing. Well since he was already a wanted criminal . . . Pen Pen went to the cookie jar and pulled out the sleek silver gun, then he went in search of Gendo.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::: LATER ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Misato's eyes fluttered open and she pulled herself off Auska.  
  
//What happened? // She thought to herself and looked around.  
  
//oh yeah// realization dawned on her again, although this time the effects were not as great.  
  
"Misato?" Shinji's voice croaked.  
  
"Yeah Shinji, I'm here." Misato answered softly as to not further upset the boy.  
  
"What are we going to do?"  
  
"I don't know." Misato said truthfully shaking her head in disbelief.  
  
"Mummy . . . . " a ghostly voice droned  
  
Misato and Shinji grabbed onto each other out of fear. Their eyes widened as the voice rang out again. "Mummy . . . "  
  
"Shinji what is it?" a hysterical Misato asked looking frantically around the room. She held Shinji close.  
  
"I camtf brefe!" was Shinji's muffled reply. Misato looked down to see she was smothering Shinji with her breasts and his face was turning a nice shade of blue.  
  
"Oops!" Misato grinned sheepishly and let Shinji go. He gasped for air clawing at his neck.  
  
"Air! Air! I need air!" he wheezed. After about 15 minutes he calmed down again.  
  
"Mummy . . . . . . " the voice said again.  
  
"Eeep!" Misato yelped and ran into her bathroom shutting and bolting the door behind her. She heard a thump against the door. The she heard Shinji curse.  
  
//Maybe it's a vampire that's come to devour us all! // Misato considered. She turned to go look for things she could stack against the bathroom door. She pulled back the shower curtain only to find Kaji sitting on the floor playing with her underwear.  
  
"KAJI WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ? ? " Misato asked shocked and angry at the same time.  
  
"Nothing." Kaji blushed and shoved his hand and the underwear behind his back.  
  
Rubbing his head Shinji walked back into the lounge room. He was the top scorer of the sync test! He thought to himself and after all getting rid of monsters was a MANS job! Wasn't it?  
  
Before he could even look for the monster something grabbed him from behind.  
  
"AHHHHHHHH!" Shinji yelled as the thing brought him closer to it. The thing funnily enough smelt and looked a lot like Auska. Shinji turned is head. It was Auska! Why hadn't they noticed it before? Shinji relaxed a little. Auska grip tightened around him as it pulled him to face her. Only then did Shinji realize what was wrong with Auska. SHE WAS NOT CONSCIENCE! Auska's grip tightened again and she pulled him closer.  
  
//oh no.//  
  
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R and R please!  
  
~lee the ice queen~ 


	3. Awakening

Kind of scary the stuff a bored - partially tipsy- person can come up with huh? ;_;  
  
I think maybe I shouldn't have had that glass of wine . . . but it's good for your heart I swear ! ! ! ^_^  
  
Perhaps I should have drank the bottle of Jack Daniels jakey got for me! it helps me write ^-^ oh and cookies to! *stuffs various cookies into mouth* mmmm-mmmm thanks Jakey! I dedicate this chapter to u and Marcos Edson for a valuable point, they pointed out!  
  
To my lovely reviewers . . . .  
  
Invincible-titan: thanks for your review! Shinji gets into a little trouble . . . . hehehe just read on and find out!  
  
Marcos Edson: hehehe (grins sheepishly to) ya I knew it was asuka . . . thanks so much for pointing that out now I don't look as foolish as I would normally! Lol! Thanks for your review!  
  
Hououza: yep I agree with it being a little strange. But like I said before bored people do strange things . . . watch this. (sits for ten minutes staring at the wall) now I will write the first thing that pops in my head *drum roll*  
  
~ why do donuts have holes? ~  
  
yay! you get to see what Asuka does . . . *rubs palms together grinning evilly* thanks for your review ! ! !  
  
Greengo: thanks again for the Jack D and cookies! I don't like vodka burns my throat . . but then again I've only had it straight :S no your review wasn't incomprehensible entirely! We alcoholics must think alike! I agree BOTH! Thankyou CJ and Jakey for your combined efforts in your review I hope you like this chapter!  
  
Snow Tenshi: hey! Poor thing your throat hurts, have a butter menthol *hands over butter menthols* I hope it wasn't to confusing! If you need a little explaining to be done feel free to contact me through my email, which can be found in my profile, I'll be happy to explain it! I agree Fuyutsuki is the master roshi of NGE I think we may be able to sort something out for you! *nods at pen pen* thanks for the review get well soon!  
  
Hikuyo: I know! How could he indeed. Pen Pen is very evil! Thank for your review enjoy this chapter!  
  
- - - Oh before I begin - - -  
  
DON'T DRINK IT'S A WORTHLESS WASTE OF TIME AND KILLS BRAIN CELLS. WAIT I MEAN DON'T DRINK - ALCOHOL - (please keep drinking fluids, don't dehydrate!) . . . SEE THE BRAIN CELLS ARE DYING ALREADY!!!  
  
lee's brain cells : cough cough splutter splutter . . . "we are dying ! ! ! Dying! ! !" (in tiny chipmunk voices by the way ^-^ ! )  
  
Ok ok story I'm getting there . . .Eva 01 if you could help me out ?  
  
EVA 01: ROAAARARARIRAROO AAROA AORRRRRROAAR RRAAOOORR RAOROARAAO ROORORR ROAOAOR RROAOAOA ORRORRRR RRRRRRR AAOAAAAA AAOOOOOORR AOAOAO OROAOROAO ROAOROOAO AOAARRRO AOAOOAROR OAOAOR OROA RORR !  
  
Translation: Lee the ice queen does not own Neon Genesis Evangelion although if they want to give it to her, they are very welcome to she'd love it. And she would take care of it too. Please email her if you want to give Neon Genesis Evangelion to her. Oh and she is not gaining any financial gain from this story either.  
  
Oh and by the way *Eva 01 raises and eyebrow* (do the eva's have eyebrows?) no offense EVA01 you did a GREAT disclaimer but all the German swear words used in this chapter were classified by Michael "Brazil" Borgwardt. If you need to know what they actually mean just send me word either through a review *hint hint nudge nudge* or email me, my email can be found in my bio.  
  
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Asuka leaned in to meet Shinji's lips, closer, closer, closer, closer, closer . . . . .  
  
"KAJI NOT THE PINK ONES!" Misato's voice echoed through the hall, deafening half the neighborhood.  
  
Crystal blue eyes snapped open as Asuka and Shinji's lips touch.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! ! ! ! " Asuka shrill voice rang out.  
  
"Shinji you pervert what are you trying to do?" she yelled  
  
"I di-"  
  
"Scheiße! Verdammt Arschloch!" she cursed running her hands through her hair. Shinji mumbled various incoherent excuses before realization dawned on Asuka.  
  
"ewwww I nearly kissed you!" she repelled before running to the bathroom.  
  
Shinji debated whether to tell her they actually kissed. He heard her voice from the hall. "It was bad enough the first time but again! What a pervert! . . . " //better not. // He slowly walked towards the "dead body" which was still laying on the couch.  
  
"Mind if I sit here buddy?" he asked it before moving its legs and flopping down on the couch. "Thanks"  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
"Kaji I want them back!"  
  
"no."  
  
"yes"  
  
"no"  
  
"yes"  
  
A loud thump can be heard on the door. "Schiße! Sliding door." Auska curses before opening the bathroom door. Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene. Misato and Kaji are both sitting on the bathroom floor a pink bikini stretched in between them. Neither looked as though they were going to give up the pink bikini anytime soon. But of course Asuka didn't see this.  
  
"Kaji!" she beamed and threw herself on him. Misato sweat dropped before pulling her bikini away from the pile of Asuka and Kaji.  
  
"Mine!" Misato said to herself grinning evilly.  
  
"So Kaji what are you doing here?" Asuka asked after relieving Kaji from her tight hold.  
  
"ummm . . . " the older man started.  
  
"He's going to help us with the body." Misato interrupted before going to the wall of the bathroom. She kicked it and it spun around to reveal a mini fridge. She selected a can of beer and drank it.  
  
"YEEE HAAA! (minutes of silence pass) Ok I had my fix lets get on with this." She said before exiting the bathroom. Kaji followed dragging Asuka behind him.  
  
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ok ok ok ok ok I know kinda short and irrelevant but yeah I need time to figure out what to do with a dead body. I mean the time I had one it didn't work out as I had planned . . . hopefully the eva pilots and misato will do better than me!  
  
Remember: a friend will help you move, a GOOD friend will help you move a body.  
  
Do the eva pilots and misato have any good friends?  
  
Oh and remember  
  
REVIEW!  
  
~lee the ice queen~ 


	4. Asuka's Alibi

Hi bebez! I'm back . . . . You see I'm on holidays now so I'll be updating more often . . Hopefully!  
  
So uh I'm uh now I forget he he he anyways . . .  
  
I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion.  
  
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Shinji, Misato, Kaji and Asuka sat around the body. "So who do you think it is?" Kaji asked flipping the body over with one finger.  
  
"Don't know." Misato answered blowing a piece off her hair away from her face she propped her head up with her hands. Kaji examined the man's face. He was about 22 with messy brown hair and a scar running from his eye to his chin.  
  
"So Asuka why did you have to kill him?" Kaji sighed  
  
"Wha...?" Asuka yelled throwing her hands in front of her face.  
  
"Well you obviously killed him, you're the one with the most violent personality in this room." Kaji stated shrugging, Shinji and Misato nodded.  
  
"I did not kill him! If I wanted to kill someone I would have killed the first child!" she yelled in her defense.  
  
Shinji paled "Misato?" he whispered, "can we kick Asuka out of the house when this is over?"  
  
Misato nodded "I was thinking the same thing."  
  
"Well where were you last night?" Kaji asked Asuka advancing on her scarily.  
  
" Well. . . "  
  
~*~ Flashback ~*~  
  
Asuka sat in her room playing with two dolls. Sorry not dolls . . . . Action figures. "Hehehehe I'm coming to get you evil doctor X!!" she yelled and moved her Spiderman closer to the "evil doctor x". The phone interrupted her game. "Asuka can you get that?" Misato's voice rang out through the house. Asuka ignored it and continued her game. After a short while the ringing stopped. Asuka smiled and continued the chase between Spiderman and the evil Dr X they had now moved from her desk to her bookcase. Spiderman was just about to use his super spider skills to swing down and hit the evil Dr X when there was a soft knock at her door. "Asuka?" Shinji's voice floated in from the hall.  
  
Asuka paused her eyes searching for somewhere to hide her precious. . . . Action figures. She quickly hid them behind a book and opened the door.  
  
"What?" she snapped at Shinji who was waiting patiently outside her door.  
  
"Phone for you." shinji answered quietly as the phone was snatched up out of his hand, "And. . " he started as Asuka slammed the door and there was a thump as if something had fell in her room.  
  
She opened the door again " What Dummkopf?" she snapped again.  
  
"Misato's going out now for drinks so she said order pizza." He replied softly before noticing something on Asuka's floor. It was a book, // now when did Asuka read books? // Shinji thought to himself as his eyes trailed from the floor and the book to the bookshelf, and where the book should be was two action figures laying together looking as if they were . . . Asuka slammed the door in Shinji's face who just chuckled softly to himself. He went back to the lounge room.  
  
"Hello?" Asuka answered the phone.  
  
"Hi Asuka?" Hikari's voice sounded on the other end.  
  
"Hi! How are you?"  
  
"Good! I was just wondering did you want to go shopping tonight?"  
  
"Umm . . . " Asuka stared hesitantly at the action figures on her bookshelf. Then something hit her . . .  
  
~*~* Flashback in a flashback ~*~*~  
  
Asuka opened the door again " What Dummkopf?" she snapped again.  
  
"Misato's going out now for drinks so she said order pizza." Shinji replied softly  
  
~*~*~ End of flashback in the other flashback ~*~*~  
  
"Ah hold on please Hikari" Asuka apologized and ran out of her room to find Shinji. He was in the lounge watching the TV.  
  
"Hey Dummkopf! Where did Misato say she was going?" Asuka barked.  
  
"Um city I think." Shinji answered.  
  
"And she went with Kaji right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Hikari?" Asuka said into the phone twirling around. "Can we go into the city?"  
  
"Sure" Hikari replied oblivious to her oncoming doom.  
  
"Excellent meet up with you soon! Bye!" Asuka said her goodbyes before she put down the phone and went to get changed.  
  
. . . .little later on . . .  
  
Asuka quickly packed her things into a small black bag. Shinji glanced over at her and his eyes widened. // Stanley knife, Swiss army knife, tissues, binoculars, mobile phone, perfume, lipstick, keys, sleeping pills, camera . . . how does she fit these things into her bag?? // He thought to himself, he voiced his concerns.  
  
"Asuka how do you fit those things into you bag?" he asked  
  
"hmn. " Asuka hummed an answer before dancing out the door.  
  
"And the Kaji hunt begins." Shinji said quietly to himself.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^----- Interruption -----^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"Kaji hunting?" Misato asked interrupting Asuka's story. An evil twinkle appeared in Asuka's eye. Kaji took a step away from her.  
  
"What?" she asked innocently before continuing with her story.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^--------- End of interruption -------^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Asuka and Hikari walked down one of the alive and bustling streets of their city. Hikari was saying something about Touji and Asuka was dragging her through various pubs. She looked desperately around, "this way!" she said before dragging Hikari down another street. "There!" she yelped as she saw Misato and Kaji exit from a bar. She quickly pushed Hikari into a store and followed her before the couple could spot her. As soon as Asuka stepped into the shop she forgot about the intense hunt she was involved in. She stared in awe at the tons and tons of  
  
KNIVES!  
  
There was so many of them. Knives, daggers, swords . . . Asuka's eyes widened at the sight.  
  
Many hours later. . . . . .  
  
Asuka walked out of the knife shop a wide grin on her face and a small bag in her hand. Then she stopped and went back in the store before coming out again dragging Hikari behind her who was still talking about her love life problems with Touji.  
  
~*~ End flashback ~*~  
  
"See?" Asuka said exasperated. "I even have the knife to prove it!" she said fishing out a shiny silver dagger with the words "Asuka's Baby" engraved into it.  
  
Mistao + Kaji + Shinji : 0.o! Eeep!  
  
"So I guess you didn't do it Asuka!" Kaji said quickly hiding behind Misato. Misato, Kaji and Asuka turned and faced Shinji with queried expressions.  
  
~~~~ at nerv ~~~~  
  
Pen Pen toddled down another corridor. // Where is Gendo? // He asked himself. He saw Maya at her desk typing furiously at her computer. Then he saw Fuyutsuki bend over pretending to look for a pen. Pen Pen cocked an eyebrow up. He didn't see any pen drop. Fuyutsuki whipped out a small mirror on a stick and looked up Maya's skirt. // Pervert // Pen Pen thought and pointed his sleek silver gun at Fuyutsuki's back. Pen Pen paused thinking // not worth it maybe later // and walked off to find Gendo.  
  
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To my wonderful, beautiful reviewers!  
  
Hououza: Yeah forget about that last chapter it was just there to bring everything together . . . kinda incoherent wasn't it? * Laughs sheepishly * thanks for your review!  
  
Dark Titan: yeah tell me about it. I'm surprised shinji isn't dead either. If I was him I would have flushed Asuka's head down a toilet long ago. . Nah I don't think your idea is sad at all quite intellectual actually ^_^! But I don't think I would be able to get my clothes onto a dead body . . . too icky! Thanks for your review it was fascinating!  
  
Brax: I'm glad you liked that chapter. Yup I agree its better than the first because everyone doesn't pass out in this one ^_^ I agree! I also like the long awkward silences found in animes! Thanks for your review!  
  
So you bebez go and press the go button down the bottom of this page to submit a review now okies?Hope you liked this chapter!  
  
~Lee the ice Queen~ 


	5. Shinji's Alibi

Another exciting installment of . . . The Dead Body!  
  
Author Notes: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I love christmas it's the perfect time of the year ! ! ! So I brought you all a present, the next chapter of The Dead Body! Do you like it? *Starry eyes* Hope you do! *Hands out chocolates in Eva 01 shapes and Santa Claus shapes*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or The Hulk in any way. Thanks to Dark Titan for the inspiration he inspired! ^-^ This chapter is dedicated to him!  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: Shinji's Alibi  
  
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Misato, Kaji and Asuka turned and faced Shinji with queried expressions . . .  
  
"Well Shinji?" Misato said tapping her fingers on the table waiting for an explanation.  
  
"I didn't do it!" Shinji yelped.  
  
" Do you have an alibi Shinji?" Asuka asked evilly, poking him with her dagger, which thankfully did not scratch anything . . . vital.  
  
"Eep! Yes I have an alibi!" Shinji yelped again moving away from Asuka's pointy knife.  
  
"See Misato! If you want something done quickly point a knife at them!" Asuka said to Misato smiling innocently. Misato sweat dropped, nodding her head stiffly. "So Third Child where were you that night?" Asuka demanded moving her dagger closer to Shinji again.  
  
"Well . . " Shinji started backing away from Asuka.  
  
~*~*~* Flashback *~*~*~*~  
  
"And the Kaji hunt begins." Shinji said quietly to himself. He turned back to what he was watching.  
  
"So I said to the chicken . . . "a well dressed man on the TV said. Everyone started laughing. Shinji sighed //that's really not funny// he thought to himself.  
  
Suddenly the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" Shinji answered it.  
  
"Shinji I have a matter of grave importance. I must speak to you immediately. Come down to headquarters immediately . . . beep beep beep beep." A creepy voice on the other end said before hanging up.  
  
Shinji stared at the phone's handset. "Um ok then." He said quietly to himself and walked out of the apartment.  
  
_ _ Later on at Nerv headquarters _ _  
  
"Shinji, ah your here!" Fuyutsuki said quickly putting something behind his back as Shinji rounded the corner.  
  
"Yeah, I got a freaky phone call from someone saying I had to come here . . . is there an angel attack?" Shinji asked Fuyutsuki, who was backing away slowly from Shinji, his eyes darting from one end of the hall to the other.  
  
"No nothing like that, your father would just like to talk to you." Fuyutsuki replied, reassuring Shinji. //hmn. Wonder what he wants from me; probably to save the world or something// Shinji thought not realizing the sweat and obvious discomfort emanating from Fuyutsuki.  
  
"Ok, is he in his office?" Shinji asked,  
  
"Yes." Fuyutsuki said through clenched smiling teeth, still backing away and keeping one hand behind his back.  
  
"What have you got behind your back?" Shinji enquired raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh nothing." Fuyutsuki replied cautiously, now fully backed up against the wall.  
  
"Oh. Why are you holding your hand behind your back then?" Shinji asked curious, he started advancing on Fuyutsuki.  
  
"No reason." Fuyutsuki said defensively. "DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO BE??" he snapped at Shinji before dashing down the hall in the opposite direction.  
  
Shinji watched him go, noting the cover of the magazine that he was holding behind his back. "Nerv's Top Ten Hottest Women, Naughty and Naked."  
  
"Pervert." Shinji muttered before making his way to Fathers office.  
  
_ _ At Gendo Ikari's Office _ _  
  
"The Third Child Shinji Ikari is here to see you Sir." A voice rang out over Gendo's intercom.  
  
"Send him in." He said to his assistant through the intercom.  
  
Shinji walked timidly into his father's office. It was huge! In the middle of the humungous room was a fairly large desk where Gendo sat with his hands covering his mouth in that freaky pose. Shinji felt very small. Before long he noticed a cup of sickly green liquid on Gendo's desk.  
  
"Is that my father's work?" he thought to himself out loud.  
  
"That is correct.' Gendo's voice rang out.  
  
"Father!" Shinji cringed. "What is this?"  
  
"This is a lethal liquid called the Horrible-Lethal-Out-Of-Date-Green- Stuff, which has the power to eradicate all of humanity." Gendo replied indifferent.  
  
"So what do you want me to do?" Shinji asked confused.  
  
"You shall get rid of it by drinking the Horrible-Lethal-Out-Of-Date-Green- Stuff." Gendo replied indifferent.  
  
"Is that why you called me?" Shinji asked disappointed.  
  
"Yes. Because I have a use for you. You shall drink the Horrible-Lethal-Out- Of-Date-Green-Stuff." Gendo replied indifferent.  
  
"But why me?" Shinji squeaked.  
  
"Because there is no one else who will drink the Horrible-Lethal-Out-Of- Date-Green-Stuff." Gendo replied indifferent.  
  
"I can't." Shinji sighed, close to tears.  
  
"IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, DO IT NOW, IF NOT, THEN LEAVE." Gendo snapped never once moving from his freaky pose.  
  
Shinji sighed. He must do it there is no one else. "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away! . . . . . Fine I'll do it." He sighed giving in.  
  
~*~*~*~*~ End Flashback ~*~*~*~*~  
  
"You drank the Horrible-Lethal-Out-Of-Date-Green-Stuff ? ? ? ? " Misato yelped taking a step away from Shinji as if he were made of poison.  
  
"Yeah" Shinji sighed, "I had no choice."  
  
"Have there been side effects from the Horrible-Lethal-Out-Of-Date-Green- Stuff?" Kaji asked using Misato as a shield between himself and Shinji.  
  
"Well no, but whenever I think of my father I start turning green and get huge muscles and growl a lot. But other than that I'm fine." Shinji said shrugging.  
  
Misato + Kaji + Asuka: eep! 0.o!  
  
Misato sighed. "This is getting us no where! I'm Kaji's alibi, cause I know he didn't kill any one last night, and he's my alibi."  
  
"Cause I know she didn't kill anyone last night!" Kaji added. "We were too busy playing handcuffs and whips huh Misato?" Kaji said slyly.  
  
" I didn't play anything with you last night?" Misato replied confused.  
  
"Oh don't mind me then, must have been a dream!" Kaji laughed sheepishly. Misato's eyebrow twitched as Shinji and Asuka face vaulted.  
  
After they had recovered Asuka face lit up. "I have it!" she yelled triumphantly. Jumping on to the couch waving her hands in the air ecstatically.  
  
"What Asuka?" Shinji asked while picking himself up.  
  
"Wonder girl did it and framed it on us. It's so obvious. I know she wants to be exactly like me, so she wanted to put me away for life so she can divide and conquer. Well she isn't conquering anything. Onward!" Asuka yelled her hair flying in a non-existent wind. She pointed her dagger in the direction of the door defiantly, the non-existent wind picking up speed throwing her hair in all different directions. Misato, Shinji and Kaji looked on with awe as she somersaulted off the couch and made a quick exit out the door headed for Rei's humble home.  
  
"She's going to hurt Rei." Shinji mumbled and a transformation occurred in his body. He slowly grew greener and produced many muscles till he was an Ikari version of the incredible hulk. "ROARRORORRRAAA!" Shinji roared lumbering towards the door. He didn't exactly fit through it and Misato could only watch in shock as he made a huge hole through her apartment door.  
  
"Um. Your going to have to get that fixed." Kaji said before grabbing one of Misato's bra's that lay in the washing basket that was conveniently placed close to where he was seated. Then he dashed out of Shinji's apartment renovations, also known as the big hole where Misato's door used to be.  
  
Misato sighed watching random piece of plaster fall to the floor. She flicked a switch with her foot to revel an underground bar fridge. Misato grinned pulling out a can and sculling it whole.  
  
"WOOOOOOOO YEEEAAHHHHHHHH! That's the stuff!" she yelled triumphantly before heading out Shinji's apartment renovations to follow the rest of the parade.  
  
_ _ At Nerv Headquaters _ _  
  
Pen Pen stared at Eva Unit 01, which was in the holding bay. //Maybe I could . . .//He thought to himself envisioning Eva rampaging through Tokyo 3 with a lot of beautiful women screaming and Gendo pleading for mercy wrapped up in Eva's large hand. Then Pen Pen would rip Gendo's head off and exit the Eva. The women would change from screaming in fear to screaming in joy and start throwing themselves on Pen Pen because he is Pen Pen . . . no duh.  
  
Pen Pen smiled in spite of himself. //nah too much effort.// he thought and shrugged off the idea. But looking past the Eva he spotted something. An air duct. //perhaps. . ? // Pen Pen thought to himself and started climbing the Eva.  
  
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Air ducts?  
  
Are they ever going to find who killed that person?  
  
Can they survive Asuka and her knives?  
  
Will Shinji ever be able to change back from the side effects of drinking the horrible out of date green stuff?  
  
Does Misato have a beer fridge everywhere?  
  
Will Kaji get over his obsession with women's underwear?  
  
How is Rei going to react?  
  
Hmmmm. . . . .  
  
TO MY WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL SPECIAL REVIEWERS!  
  
Brax: who is crow and who is T-bird? Meh . . Yeah i'm kinda mad sometimes. . *Laughs evilly for ten minutes* ahem anyway. . Thanks for your review! ^- ^ Although I did like the idea of Pen Pen stabbing every one of Asuka's vital organs XD ! I made Shinji the incredible hulk? Will that stand up to Askua . . ? Hope you liked this chapter!  
  
Buck: thanks for your review! In answer to your questions. 1. hmn. Good idea i'll think about it and 2. well thats my little secret ^-^! Hope you liked this chapter!  
  
Hououza: Nah don't worry Shinji didn't do it. Although now he's turned into the incredible hulk he has the opportunity to kill something! Oh dear. . You're right repressed rage, father complex . . . Oh dear. Pen Pen is after Gendo cause when he killed that other guy he realized he is now a wanted criminal and he wanted to kill something better. So he goes after Gendo. Man that really doesn't make sense does it? XD oh well! Well lets just say Pen Pen is evil thats a good enough excuse! Thanks for your review!  
  
Dark Titan: I used your idea! I thought it was so good. . . . I hope you don't mind! I won't make it as easy as you say it is but. I'm too evil and Pen Pen is too evil ^-^! Yeah everyone else will probably end up running the hell away from Asuka . . poor thing, it's not her fault she likes knives and has a violent nature XD! Thanks for your review they are always so much fun to read!  
  
Shinji the good sharer: Shinji and Rei . . . not a bad idea you see flashes of it in this chapter! Well okay one flash when He goes to save her from Asuka's wrath perhaps more in the next chapter? Thanks for your review I hope you liked this chapter!  
  
Please leave your comments and flames and death threats in a review! Thanks!  
  
~Lee the Ice Queen~ 


	6. Rei's Alibi

THE DEAD BODY  
  
Chapter Six: Rei's Alibi  
  
AN: no flies were hurt in the making of this fic.  
  
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"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! That's the stuff!" Misato yelled triumphantly before heading out Shinji's apartment renovations to follow the rest of the parade.  
  
Rei sat quietly in her pristine room. It was a quiet moment for her when for once she was not involved with Eva or Nerv. She was totally alone and at peace with herself. Nothing moved . . . . Except . . .  
  
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .  
  
This really annoying fly that had been buzzing around for the last fifteen minutes and ruining the whole room's calming atmosphere.  
  
Rei had had enough.  
  
She stared at the fly intently ready to catch the little bugger. Just a little closer now . . . a bit more . . . come on you evil, atmosphere wreaking pest . . . a bit more . . .  
  
"Wonder girl are you home?" Asuka's sickly sweet voice rang out. Rei flinched. . . Not good. Maybe if she didn't make a sound?  
  
Asuka ran through the hall to Rei's room, stopping for a moment to catch her breath. When she had caught it, she stomped towards Rei dagger pointing evilly at her.  
  
"You!" Asuka growled.  
  
Rei stared at her openly. Why was the pilot of unit two here? "Is there an emergency?"  
  
"You could say that you evil killer!" Asuka shrieked advancing on Rei.  
  
"I do not understand." Rei stated plainly  
  
"You killed a man and chucked him in our-" Asuka started but was cut of by charging Shinji who knocked her over.  
  
"Ahhhh!" Asuka yelled as she fell flat on her face.  
  
Shinji didn't notice. "Hi Rei." He said sheepishly, waving.  
  
"Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked unsure, it looked like pilot Ikari, but it was very green and bulky and last time she had checked Ikari was neither.  
  
"Hi." Shinji said meekly. Funnily enough since all of Shinji's angry feelings have now disintegrated he turned back to normal Shinji.  
  
"Pilot Ikari is there some kind of emergency?" Rei asked there was no other reason for the children of Nerv to be standing in her room exhausted.  
  
"Uh Rei this is really silly but what were you doing last night?" Shinji asked shuffling his feet, a rose colour tingeing his cheeks.  
  
"well.." Rei started.  
  
~*~ FLASH BACK ~*~  
  
Rei, Fuyutsuki and Gendo stood in Gendo's office. "oh please Gendo please could I have the access key to the dummy plug room. Please, please, please?" Fuyutsuki whined.  
  
One of Gendo's eyebrows rose slightly. "The room with all the naked Rei's?" he asked.  
  
Fuyutsuki nodded furiously.  
  
"No." Gendo replied harshly, Fuyutsuki whimpered and left the office with a very long, sad face.  
  
"Now Rei I have a special job for you." the commander said softly.  
  
"Yes sir." Rei replied in her normal quiet voice.  
  
Gendo grinned. "CLEAN MY OFFICE!" he cried manically then started laughing . . . . . . .evilly. "MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA."  
  
He stopped laughing for a moment to hand Rei a mop and bucket then continued to laugh. "MWA HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Rei stared at the mop and bucket. "Excuse me sir. But how do I use these?" she asked.  
  
Gendo sweatdropped.  
  
~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~  
  
"MY FATHER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CLEAN?" Shinji cried in disbelief.  
  
"Yes." Rei replied, "I find it quite . . . . . enjoyable."  
  
Shinji fainted landing hard on Asuka.  
  
"Scheiße!" Asuka swore and fell to the ground once more.  
  
Rei stared at her two comrades her mouth slightly open.  
  
She blinked once.  
  
She blinked again.  
  
Then she swallowed the fly.  
  
She blinked once more, in shock that she had just swallowed a live fly, that can't be good for her stomach.  
  
And then she fainted on the two already unconscious Eva pilots.  
  
Kaji burst into Rei's room; he was late because he had hit the jackpot! Someone was drying her underwear outside and Kaji, being kaji scaled the building and jumped onto her veranda and stuffed his pockets full of bras and panties.  
  
His eyes quickly took in the scene of the pile of Eva pilots. "Oh well, while they're unconscious I might as well." he started before sitting down to play with his treasures.  
  
Misato stumbled into the room. "What happened?" she asked Kaji who shrugged and continued to play. "You know we are getting no where with this." She told Kaji who shrugged again.  
  
"It's time to get . . .serious." Misato growled.  
  
_ _ After the Eva pilots had recovered from their . . . nap _ _  
  
"Listen up ladies!" Misato growled marching up and down the line of pilots. "We are here for one reason and one reason only, to find out the killer of that man in our lounge room. Do my make myself clear?"  
  
No one answered they were all too busy watching the big stick Misato was carrying.  
  
"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Misato barked. The three Eva pilots jumped back ten feet.  
  
"Yes mam." They replied unanimously.  
  
"From this point forward we begin, OPERATION LITTLE BLACK DRESS!" Misato commanded and a huge plasma screen dropped down from the ceiling.  
  
"Wow Rei I didn't know you got that!" Shinji said obviously impressed by Rei's system. Not only did she have the plasma screen but the surround sound speakers and matching t-shirt, which Misato was currently wearing.  
  
"Neither did I." Rei replied.  
  
"Now Today at 15.00, Recruits Rei, Asuka and myself will go shopping for a little black dress. At 16.00 Kaji and recruit Shinji will go and buy grappling hooks and other spy tech equipment. At 21.00 recruits Asuka, Rei and myself will go to the local police station and divert their attention, while Kaji and recruit Shinji will break in through the back window and hack into the computer files, retrieving everything they can about the man with the scar, the killing and so forth. At 23.00 we will meet back at my apartment where you will await further instructions. Any questions?" Misato asked eyeing her new "recruits" carefully, they jumped another mile as she poked them with her very large stick.  
  
"Um miss misato?" Shinji stammered.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why are you shopping for little black dresses?" Shinji asked meekly.  
  
"So that we can divert the attention of the police officers, why else?" Misato answered as if it was obvious already.  
  
"oh . . . what if they are female?" Shinji asked again.  
  
"What's the difference?" Misato asked casually.  
  
Asuka + Rei + Shinji: 0.o!!!!  
  
"I think you just crossed the line Major Katsuragi." Rei informed her quietly.  
  
"What line?"  
  
"The line of too much information!!" Asuka yelled running for the bathroom, hands clamp over her mouth.  
  
They heard a large thud.  
  
"Schiße! Sliding door!" They heard her curse.  
  
"Hmm." Misato contemplated. "I didn't think. . . . Wait get your minds out of the gutter!" She yelled hitting Shinji with her stick. " Henati baka!"  
  
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Pen Pen crawled carefully through Nerv's ventilation system. He came to a small grate where he promptly looked through it to see if it was Gendo. Instead he saw Fuyutsuki, who seemed to be looking at some kind of magazine. It was opened on the centerfold, a picture of some of the female staff of Nerv. //this has gone far enough// Pen Pen thought and removed the grate. Don't ask me how a penguin can do these sorts of things they just can.  
  
//I really don't want to kill him.// Pen Pen thought moving the gun away from Fuyutsuki's head, instead he aimed it in between his legs.  
  
BANG.  
  
The whole worlds male population: OW!  
  
Pen Pen continued down the vent leaving Fuyutsuki's wails and howls of pain behind him.  
  
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You know what I actually feel sorry for Fuyutsuki in this chapter. . . Oh well ^^ To my wonderful beautiful, special, fantastic reviewers!!  
  
Hououza: True Rei is a very quiet character! I hope you liked this chapter I tried to keep Rei true to her character. Except for maybe when she called the fly a little bugger, but hey you never know! Yes I actually can't wait till Pen Pen actually gets around to killing Gendo. Wait I'm the authoress I should know that eh @_@! Meh. Thanks for the review ! ! ! [belated] Merry Christmas and a Happy 2004 ! ! !  
  
Dark Titan: I'm not sure who I am going to put Shinji with, either Asuka's going to force him to be with her, or he's going to go after an uninterested Rei I dunno? What do you with? A she-hulk is not a bad idea, but I'll need to make more horrible-lethal-out-of-date-green-stuff, or maybe I can add an unrequited love that is a she-hulk? And just between you and me I am in LOVE with the air duct idea!!! Unfortunately I don't know who Nabeshin is @_@! Anyway I loved this review like always! I updated kinda of late but. . . summer holidays is my excuse! ^^ hehe thanks for reviewing hope you liked this chapter XD!  
  
Konous the grey: I'm glad you like the whole Shinji incredible hulk thing I thought I went over the top -_-U! I'm not sure who I am going to pair shinji up with, who do you think? Thanks for the review! I hope you liked this chapter!  
  
Somonewashere: HEY BUCK! Horrors of your mind? I'm sure there are many very, very, many . . . 0.o! no I read uh wait I'll remember the name . . . *thinks hard* Oh I know Track 26? I loved it! It was so hilarious I haven't reviewed it yet but I will! Soon ish. Meh. Yeah I am itching to kill the bridge bunies, they are so irrelevant. Especially Ayoba, but he is funny ^^ Perhaps Asuka with knives is not sane. But hell Pen Pen isn't sane either . . I'll let you in on a little secret . . . . . he's evil! Ha! Hm. I think some of your craziness is rubbing off on me ^_^! Thanks for the review! Hope you liked this chapter!!  
  
Thanks for reading guys! Review! Just in case I crossed the impenetrable line of "this has gone really weird." Thanks!  
  
~Lee the ice Queen~ 


	7. Operation Little Black Dress Part 1

THE DEAD BODY

Chapter Seven: Operation Little Black Dress (PART 1)

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Misato swung her car around another corner attempting to park in the shopping center car park . . . .  She sped her car up flying over the speed hump and parked

On top of another car.

Asuka jumped out and ran to the toilet that had been conveniently placed nearby. She was about to throw up thanks to Misato's driving skills. 

Rei heard a large thud. 

"Schiße! Sliding door!" Asuka's voice rang out before she ran into the bathroom.

Misato turned to Rei, "she'll never get used to our doors will she?" she sniggered before also jumping out of the car. 

Rei shrugged, "I do not know." She replied, "Major Katsuragi isn't it illegal to park on top of another car?"   

"Um, well, it's an emergency and we needed a parking space right, besides I'm a government official so everything will be ok! Lets go shopping!" she yelled dragging Rei out of the car and into the mega mall.

 "This looks like an alright shop!" Misato called to Asuka while entering the store dragging Rei by her collar. 

"No more . . . " Rei pleaded although her voice was only a little louder than a whisper.

Asuka followed with a small bag in her hand, four lovesick boys trailed her all laden with various bags and boxes. 

"At least they're good for something!" Asuka cried turning to the boys. "Okay you perverted freaks, wait out side, and if any of you love sick idiots get any ideas of running off I'll hunt you down and carve you into tender morsels of human flesh!" she grinned manically pulling out her new dagger. 

Love sick boys: 0.o!

Asuka quickly caught up to Rei and Misato. "Kaji is the only man for me . . . " she wailed placing her hand on her forehead delicately, for the dramatic effect.

Misato mumbled something and pulled a tight backless black dress out of the hanger.

"Here you go Rei, try this one on . . . . .. and this one . . . and this one. .  and this one. And this one and this oneandthisoneandthisoneandthisone andthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisone andthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisone andthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisone andthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisoneandthisone… okay?"

Rei, well, the pile of black dresses moved slightly, then headed toward a change room.  

The lady near the changing room stopped Rei; otherwise known as the moving pile of black dresses. "Umm excuse me.. . Miss. . . Sir . . . uh . . . it? There's a limit of 3 garments per room."

Misato skipped up next to Rei. "That's okay, well take all of them!"

"All of what ma'am?" the lady asked confused.

"The change rooms silly!" Misato replied laughing. She strode past the lady and held a room open, "here Rei! You go in here and I'll go next door. Asuka?"

"Yeah coming." A pile of black dresses said and tumbled past the lady at the head of the change rooms.

"ummm . . . . . okay, I'm going to help the lady at the front desk…" she murmured to no one in particular and walked away slightly shaking her head. 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Shinji walked cautiously down the web-covered stairs. "Kaji do you know where you're going? This place doesn't look like it's been used much…" he asked.

"Ah but looks can be deceiving." Kaji replied mysteriously.

"Ahhh~!!" Shinji yelled.

Kaji spun around to find Shinji clawing at the air, "Its not that creepy is it? Hey . . . are you okay?"

"Ahhh!" Shinji yelled and spun again landing on one of the steps. He smiled sheepishly at Kaji. "Cobweb!"  

Kaji sweatdropped, "Right… okay in here!" he opened a large heavy door to revel a brightly lit room. It was silver and on the walls were many dangerous weapons and other high tech spy devices. In the middle of the room stood a woman. She had long brown hair and blue eyes; she wore a white lab coat and a short skirt underneath. She noticed Kaji and walked over quickly.

"Kaji!" she cried

"Isabelle!" Kaji smiled opening his arms for a hug. No such luck.

WHACK

Isabelle backhanded him. Kaji looked at her shocked. "What did I do?"

Isabelle's face turned a light shade of red. 

"You . . . you," 

She slapped him again.

"Broke into my lab. . . "

And again.

"Took some of the new gear . . . "

And again.

"Which hadn't even been tested."

And again.

"And ran off with them."

And again, then she stormed off.

"Isabelle wait!" Kaji yelled running after the girl. "I have a gift for you."

"What?" she growled.

"Here's the thing I took from the lab. . ." he said quickly searching his pockets.

Isabelle beamed, "You still have it?"

Kaji nodded and Isabelle held out her hands. Kaji pulled out many pieces of black metal from his pocket, carefully placing them into Isabelle's cupped hands. She pulled away angrily.

"YOU BROKE IT YOU DOLT?" she cried dropping the pieces on the ground before storming out of the room.

Kaji shrugged at Shinji "I guess we help ourselves." 

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umm long time no update?

Sorry guys but the next chap should be up in the next two weeks!!!

The story is nearly over… * cries * oh well hope you guys liked this chapter!

Reviewer thanks 

**Dark Titan: **lol! Yeah tell me how that research goes, who did kill Kaji anyway? I have a surprise for you Dark Titan in the next chapter!!! Anyway, thanks for the review! I hope you liked this chapter! ^^

**Shinji the good sharer: **YAY! I'm glad you liked that bit, well I think you liked that bit of the story anyway *_* I thought it was funni, well that's probably cause I'm a girl, but Fuyutsuki deserved it!!! Ha ha! Anyways, thanks for the review! Hope you like this chapter!!!

**Hououza: **The demise of Gendo is coming!!!!!! Haha I can't wait either. Yeah I suppose I could do more with the pilot pile up, interesting idea about the black dresses as well. . . hehe sparked a few intriguing ideas ^_^!! Thanks for the review!!! Hope you liked this chapter!

**Final Max: **I agree, the she hulk would bring unnecessary characters into the plot, and I have no idea where to stick her in anyway. It was an interesting idea though, I could just imagine a she hulk version of Rei running through the street and shinji drooling… but then the plot would go back to normal. But Shinji won't be turning into the hulk anymore . . . for a while at least. Operation little black dress has started I hoped it lived up to your standards! I'm not quite sure about the plasma screen, I think that's what Rei spends her pay on, I mean she doesn't buy anything else. . . ! Anyway I'll leave that for you to ponder on. Hope you liked this chapter, thanks for the review!

**Sentinel28: **LOL! Umm I'll send the five bucks out to ya ok! I'm starting to think I did wrong by Fuyutsuki, shooting him in the junk. Maybe I was a little too harsh. . .  oh well! ^^. I'm glad you liked the green stuff, it was hell annoying to write, but worth it! Umm about the dresses, I left them as a surprise for the next chap, which hopefully will be coming out sooner than this one! Skool's been hell, thats why this was so late!  I don't know if you can download lives, but when you find out, tell me I wouldn't mind an upgrade on mine ^^. Thanks for the review! I hope you liked Part 1 of Operation Little Black Dress. 

**Someonewashere: **hello buck! How ya been? Yes it couldn't have been Rei she's too nice and innocent. Oh well Pen Pen is evil, that's why he hurt Fuyutsuki, in THAT way. The bunnies climaxing moment is coming soon, will they live or will they die??? Dun dun dun!!! I'll check out THE LAST STRAW sounds interesting. Oh and DAMN THE PRISION THAT IS COLLEGE that's the main reason why I couldn't get this chapter out earlier, DOOM ON YOU COLLEGE. Ahh… I feel much better after that. Thanks for the review! Hope you liked this chapter!

Ysengrinn: Longer eh? I'm too scared I'll make it too long and start to ramble on. But I might try it one day. This chapter was especially short!!! sorry! Yeah I kinda figured that Maya did have pants under her skirt after a while… oh well. Details details!! :P Lets just say she was wearing a skirt that day… FOR MUFTI DAY! That's my excuse. Lol! Thanks for the review!!! I bask in your compliments! I hope you liked this chapter! 

Bye!!

~Lee the ice Queen~


	8. Operation Little Black Dress Part 2

_THE DEAD BODY_

_Chapter Eight: Operation Little Black Dress (PART 2)_

_I'd like to thank Dark Titan and Shinji the Good Sharer for their help in this little chapter! Hehe they know what I mean . . . I hope --U_

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Asuka pulled back the spandex as far as it could go, the unsuspecting Shinji watching Misato and Kaji.

She smirked and let the material go - slapping back into place against the young unaware pilot's behind.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Shinji squealed rubbing his sore bottom as Asuka burst into a fit of giggles.

Misato and Kaji glared at the two and they quickly quieted down. The two adults returned to looking at their maps.

"I could get into that window I think…" Kaji said pointing out a precariously high opening on the building. The police station was fairly secure, but it was possible.

"Ok we'll do that then." Misato answered.

Shinji yelped – Asuka had stuck again.

"Kaji do we _have_ to wear spandex…?" he whined rubbing his bottom.

Kaji turned to the younger boy. "Why it's just like your plug suit isn't it?"

"Yeah I guess." He replied,

"But Asuka doesn't pull my plug suit." He added under his breath. Watching Asuka grin at him evilly, he sighed and moved further away from the . . . wild girl. Although it was hard since they were all sitting in Misato's car.

He couldn't get far. Misato folded the maps away and got out of the car, the rest of the group followed suit.

-

Chatting away they entered the building and brushed through the halls unaware of the horror awaiting them back home.

Misato clicked the door open to be confronted with a strong, gut wrenching smell. It surrounded them like a fog enveloping the small group.

"oh my. . ."

"Ewww!"

"uh Misato have you done the dishes in a while?" TT

"Shinji I thought I told you to take the trash out!"

"I did!"

The group stumbled in the room all holding their noses - except Rei who stayed at the door waiting to be invited in.

"Someone open some windows!" Asuka cried running to the bathroom. Kaji pushed Shinji forward into the main living area as a volunteer, and the poor boy got to work opening as many windows as he could.

Misato and Kaji exchanged glances, what exactly could that smell be?

"SQUAK!" came a cry from Pen Pen as he pointed to the dead man on the couch.

Misato sweat dropped. "Why didn't we think of that?" she wondered aloud.

"AHHHHHHHHH! MY CLOTHES ARE GOING TO GET DEAD MAN STINK INFUSED IN THEM!" Asuka cried running from the bathroom to the front door where they had left their bags. Misato paled and ran after the girl. They reached the front door where Rei waited patiently for their arrival.

"Major Katsuragi, it's 20 mins to 21:00." Rei informed before being dragged out the door by her violet haired major.

"We're going to change at Rei's house! See you at the police station!" she called and Asuka, Rei and her skidded down the hall towards the lift.

-

_Later. . . _

"Shinji hurry!" Kaji called to Shinji who staggered behind as they rushed down an alleyway that led directly to the local police station.

"Sorry, I just need too. . . . .. ahhh." He finished pulling out another wedgie. Kaji cocked up an eyebrow at the younger boy but said nothing and they disappeared into the night silently . . . apart from the squeaky noises made by their spandex pants.

-

The taxi driver stared at his soon to be customers. Three young . . . well two young ladies and an older women stood on the side of the road all clad in black dresses.

The first of the three had wild red hair that reached past her shoulders; she wore a halter neck, backless black dress. Her shoes were also black and the ties traveled up her legs in a crisscross pattern. She wore red bracelets on her wrists that matched the colour of her hair.

The second and older looking woman had a short boob tube black dress on. She also wore her violet hair down; the heels she wore could kill man if kicked in the right place. She winked at the cab driver and he pulled over, right next to the third young lady.

She had her blue/silver hair down and wore a more modest dress than the other two women. It was a pain black strap dress with black mesh covering her exposed shoulders and arms.

Blood spurted out of the cab drivers nose like a small waterfall as he tried to keep calm in front of these very beautiful women.

"Excuse me? Could you take us to the police station please?" Misato asked leaning into the cab through the open window. Her arms crossed over which pushed together her breasts. Making the driver's eyes widen to impossible round circles.

More blood poured through the cab drivers nose. "S – sure ma – ma – mam!!" he replied unsteadily and the girls quickly got in the car.

"Sir are you alright?" Rei asked noticing the cab driver fumbling with mass amounts of tissues.

"FINE! Fine! Heh. . . " The driver replied quickly and took off.

-

At the police station…

"Misato said we were going to rendezvous here.." Kaji said looking at his watch, it was 30 seconds off 21:00. They were standing just behind the police station.

"Hey guys!" Asuka called running towards them. Misato followed at a trot and Rei walked behind her.

Blood poured mercilessly out of Shinji's nose and something "awoke" in Kaji obvious in his spandex pants.

Misato was the first to notice Kaji's reaction and cringed before covering Asuka's eyes with her hands.

"Hey what are you doing that for?" she whined trying to get out of the majors grip. She found she couldn't.

"We better head off! You guys go ahead and start!" Misato said cheerfully turning the annoyed Asuka 180 degrees and striding out of the alleyway, Rei following obediently behind.

Kaji pulled out a grappling hook, "Lets do this."

-

Misato strode purposely into the quiet station.

"Hi! I have a problem. . . umm" She said as all the male police officers ran to help her. "Well that was easy!" she added quietly.

-

Shinji swung helplessly off the end of the rope "Kajiiii!" he hissed trying not to draw excessive attention to himself.

THUMP.

"ow."

"Sorry Ikari, lets try that again!" came Kaji voice from the roof.

-

Meanwhile Misato, Rei and Asuka were keeping our friends the police officers busy.

"And you see I came back to my car to find all my batteries gone and some trollop of a woman screeching down the road in her shiny blue hatchback telling me it's okay because she's a government official! Can you believe that?" Misato cried (a/n – sound familiar?)

The first of the two police officers sighed "unbelievable!" he exclaimed, "Can you describe this woman for us?" he asked.

Misato choked, and giggled slightly to cover up that she was caught out. "umm.. lemme see if I remember correctly . . "

"Blonde hair!" Asuka called from her chair, already bored out of her mind from Misato taking up the spotlight. She filed her nails and Misato glared at her before turning back to the police officers, "heh, yeah that's right blonde hair! And…"

-

"Kaji you'll smash it!" Shinji exclaimed in a hiss.

Kaji stared at the boy, "Don't worry Shinji, it won't break.. I just have cut the glass around this little circle and.. . "

CRASH.

"oops!"

They waited for a sign that they had been caught out by the police officers.

-

"What was that?" the second and younger of the two police officers asked looking behind him to the closed off offices. He got up out of his chair to investigate, but Asuka shoved him down standing in front of him to block his way out. "Don't you want to know what's wrong with me?" she asked innocently.

The police officer – p2, sweated nervously, "Of course!" he squeaked pulling a pad and pencil out from his front pocket, "please go ahead . . " he said his voice chopping and changing from high tones to lower ones.

"Well you see it all stared off at this knife store. . ."

-

"I think it's safe to go in Ikari!" Kaji said triumphantly and jumped into the station, Shinji followed.

They gathered around the computer and began to type.

-

P1 , the police officer conversing with Misato sighed, "Mam I really have to check what's happening out back, I'll return as soon as I can!" he said quickly getting up.

Misato tried to protest but p2 was insistent. Suddenly the lights went off.

P1 – "Hey why did the lights go off?"

P2 – "I don't kn-"

The lighting returned and Misato and Asuka gasped when they saw both P1 and P2 lying on the floor unconscious. Rei smiled a small smile to herself and dusted off her hands.

-

Kaji and Shinji gasped at the computer screen and ran to the front of the police station. When they entered the area where Asuka, Misato and Rei where, they stopped for a moment in confusion.

"What happened here?" Kaji inquired.

The two innocent women shrugged and Rei smiled again.

"Hey Kaji we're supposed to be meeting back up at the apartment! What are you doing here?" Misato exclaimed

"You'll never guess what we found out? We found the description of the person that killed the scarred man and it fits the description of someone we all know! It's –"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Pen Pen had finally found Gendo. He was on the bridge with the bridge bunnies, silently Pen Pen jumped down from his space in the vent landing with a soft thud on the ground.

Before he had anytime to pull his gun out a holler could be heard. Then Pen Pen watched as a man with an afro and holding two machine guns swung off a rope through the area. (Nabeshin from excel saga anyone?)

He laughed evilly and sprayed the bridge bunnies with a cascade of bullets.

Maya dived under her desk and was the only bunny to survive the mass massacre.

The man finally stopped and fell onto the floor beneath him looking for something else to do.

Everyone else : 0.o

Pen Pen looked around wildly and noticed Gendo had escaped, he cursed his bad luck and continued his search.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_WAI! Finished my chapter _

_One more to go!! cries it's almost over guys, savor the sweet sense of my attempts of humour while they last --U_

_I'm gonna be quick cause I want to post this up.. soooo_

_THANKS FOR READING GUYS!_

_To my wonderful beautiful, special, fantastic, amazing reviewers!_

_[In no particular order . . . ]_

**_Shinji the Good Sharer: _**_THANKYOU for pointing out how smelly the body would have been. It totally slipped my mind! hehe! Damn and it was a good surprise as well! Thanks for the review I hope you liked this chapter! _

**_Hououza:_**_ They didn't die from blood loss but they were close to it! I would be surprised if the cab driver died from blood loss . . . meh oh well, there's always a casualty in these sorts of fics! Thanks for the review! Hope you liked this chapter! _

**_Brax:_**_ hey buddy! I remember that movie, I think I saw it once . . long long ago, well I remember the name crow anyways. I think it was the same movie ponders for a while anyways . . thanks for the review! I hope you liked this chappy! _

**_Ghost 140:_**_ lol! Flying monkeys! Umm yeah I'm not talented enough to write funny all the time! --U I envy those who do! But anyways. Thanks for the review, you know what it reminded me of? It might just be a stupid Aussie thing but anyways, the umbilical brothers and they pretend to fight off spider monkeys – but in real life they're just clawing the air!! laughs constantly for the next ten minutes ahhh I thinks it's just me! Hope you liked this chapter!_

**_NickNack_**_: Yay! I'm so happy you think my story rules!! dances the happy dance yeah I noticed my chapters are quite the short ones, aren't they. . . I'll try and improve on my bad habit, but I can't promise anything! Thanks for the review! Hope you like this chapter!_

**_Lee_**_: umm is this your name or just a note to me? Cause I thought it would be so cool if we had the same name.. well yeah I know I'm weird . Umm I think I screwed that up cause in my other fic he is the first child! --U gets me so confused!!! Thanks for the review! Hope you like this chapter!_

**_The omaker :_**_ it's nice to find a man who appreciates my twisted sense of humour, most of them run away. Call to guys who turn and run dammit! It's always the good-looking ones! Yes I truly do believe with all my heart that penguins were the cause of world war two. Guilt is written all over their faces! I dunno if Rei and shinji will ever hide the pickle in this story . . . it's got one chapter to go, we're gonna have to wait and see. Yes I mean me too – these people have minds of their own! --U . . . Hey I like lame jokes holds up lame jokes forever sign they're my fav type of joke - cause you can laugh at them cause they are lame and funny at the same time! Wow! Thanks for the review, hope you liked this chap! Hugs and Kisses! _


	9. The End

I BE ALIVE!!!

ALL HAIL ME!!!

MWA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ok quit the adoration for a moment and let me explain my great absence.

I was cut down by an awful bout of Galangela Fever where all I could do was sleep, eat and well sleep. So I really spent around six months in bed. So I'm really sorry that I keep you guys hanging around for this last chappie for a good half year... really I am !

So without further a due here you are the final chapter of The Dead Body...

sniffle

- - - -

"PEN PEN!!" Kaji and Shinji both cried making the three women face vault.

"Your kidding right?" Misato asked picking herself off the ground again.

"No." Kaji answered solemn. "It says right here" he said opening up the folder he was carrying, "last person seen at the crime scene was described by an onlooker as short, had spiky hair, wore black and had a very large nose, possibly a penguin. Wore a sliver plate on chest that read p2"

"That's the bird alright.." Asuka said dusting herself off. "I refuse to move that dead body anywhere to help him get out of this mess! Cleaning up his dirty work.. indeed!" She flicked her red hair away from her face, her eyes menacing. "Let's go dissect it."

"ASUKA!" Mistao cried whacking the younger girl over the head, "you are not touching pen pen with your knives."

"We have to report him.." Shinji said quietly.

"WHAT!" the rest of the group yelled.

"Well it's the right thing to do." Shinji replied arms covering his face in defense.

"He's right." Kaji said in defeat. "Lets go inform the police."

"Where would pen pen be though?" Asuka wondered out loud.

"He's out looking for Commander Ikari." Rei said quietly.

The group stared at her ... "How do you know that wondergirl?" Asuka demanded

"Well Mr. Pen Pen discussed it with me one day as we were waiting for Shinji to return from the bathroom." Rei replied

Everyone - "HUH?" 0.o

"Commander Ikari is at Nerv Central doing tests on Eva unit 01. We should find pen pen there." Rei stated simply.

"Okay..." Kaji spoke up a little unsure. "err lets go."

The group turned and headed back into the station to find a conscious policeman.

Meanwhile...

Pen Pen waddled through Nerv headquaters like a mad man... I mean- penguin.

The gun was no longer hidden in his fur, he clutched it tightly in one little wing swinging it around dangerously to anyone that may pass him.

"SQUARK!!" (Gendo!!)

"SQUARK" (Gendo!!)

"SQUARK!!" (GENDO!!!)

After a good ten minutes of stalking/ waddling around Pen Pen finally reached Gendo's office. He knocked on the door.

"Come in." a voice boomed

Pen Pen entered the humongous office.

"Squawk! Squawk." Translation: Gendo! How are you?

Gendo sat behind his desk a little surprised at his new visitor. He raised an eyebrow at the advancing animal with a gun but held his freaky pose that he normally wore... you know the one with the hands over the mouth.

"Squawk.." translation: look, I don't like you...

Gendo continued to stare at the squawking, gun-holding, advancing penguin, the rubbish that his sectary let in these days! Now really!

"Squawk" translation: so I am just going to kill you

Gendo let out a little sigh watching the animal intensely. Finally! He pushed a little red button on his desk.

Pen pen stared at his target who wasn't really that scared. Why wasn't he scared??? The man was staring death in the face!! Suddenly a patch of the floor gave way to nothingness right beside Pen Pen.

"DAMMIT!" Gendo swore. "I have to get that fixed I swear he was in the right position! – "

His ranting was cut off by the wailing sounds of police cars and a group of people bursting into his office.

"STOP!!!!!" Shinji, Misato, Kaji, Asuka, Rei and a police officer yelled in unison.

"Oh now come on I was just going to call Fuyutusuki in to take care of the animal!" Gendo grumbled putting his hands in the air.

"No not you!" Kaji said waving to Gendo to sit "the penguin!!"

"Squawk." Translation: oh bugger.

- - - - -

THREE MONTHS LATER

Shinji sat at the kitchen table trying to figure out his homework. He shook his head typed something quickly and sat and stared at his lap top screen once more.

Asuka sat on the floor on a large cushion reading the latest magazine.

Misato was watching the TV, lazily sprawled along the couch; she flicked through the channels continuously before switching it off.

"Pen Pen seems to be spending an awful long time in his room lately." She commented to no one in particular.

A few moments passed.

"Have you noticed that he spends a lot of time in his room Shinji?" Misato asked

"Yes Misato but I'm sure he is fine." Shinji answered scratching his head at his dilemma.

"Sure I supposed your right I mean a couple of days in penguin isolation couldn't have scarred him mentally or anything... right? Ritsuko said he would be fine."

Asuka shuffled around on the floor trying to make herself more comfortable.

Misato sighed.

Meanwhile a certain penguin was at a highly popular underground dance party. Women threw themselves on him and men tried to be like him. This world was his playground. _If they only knew _he thought to himself sculling another drink.

THE END!!!!!

- - - - - -

err.. well that's it.

Thanks everyone for reviewing and reading and well everything!! This was heaps fun!!!! Sorry that it did take a while to finish.

Love you all!!!

LEE

I'll go and cry now.


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